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[May. 16th, 2009|02:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mischievous | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sakura Sake - Arashi | ] |
I'm a liar! O:
I meant to edit that entry a while back, but never got around to it!
Life has changed so much since 2007. I hardly get online anymore. A group of people ruined that for me back then. The funny thing is you could tell those certain people out there still think they're amazing...When looking back all they were was bored and lazy bullies who are still striving to prove themselves as something...
But that's the past, right?
2008 ended that and flew by like a missile!
Here we are, 2009! I've been with Elias for a year now <3 really enjoying that. He's helped me really see myself and improve. And most importantly - accept myself even more. :P
I've lost friends and gained a few, but it's all been worth it.
This summer Haley, Ruben, Elias, and I are hoping to take dance classes. I'm excited! Other than working and school it's hard to do anything else. Every other day I'll watch anime, read, hang out, or something...But I feel exhausted!
My trip for the summer of 2010 is closer. Haley and I plan on going to Japan still, we are hoping to add Brazil and Taiwan as well. That all depends on money, I suppose. :) If anyone wants to join the fun, please tell me! The more the merrier~
Next school year I'll be taking some nutritional and food science class and the next semester hotel management. I also signed up for Chinese 1, Japanese 3, core classes, and Orchestra again <3
I've decided I want to work as a psychologist, linguist, or managing a hotel....Elsewhere.
So far those are my options job-goal wise.
There's my update on life.
Some things have changed but I'm still the fruity Alli I've always been!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2009|11:10 am] |
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I hate my job and wish i could trust people. But really... I just want people to care. :/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 19th, 2009|08:14 am] |
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I intend to edit these and write a very detailed blog. Too tired right now > |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2008|12:34 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Its kinda funny how when we go out of our way to get noticed by someone we get the least attention, yet when we stop trying we get more....
I wonder if I'll make it as a somewhat alright person.
There are many doubts starting to pressure me...
Ow, my arm hurts. Tonight was another fun night in Midland ;D But now I'm stuck here thinking...and thinking...yeah...
Why do I still have this LJ? lol...
Time for sleep. Whoo~ NO more school tillllllll MONDAY ^^
mata~ |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2008|04:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | FSCENE8 ~ Medic Droid | ] |
Lately I feel like two different people. I'm happy but really depressed too. It seems like loneliness comes no matter what.
Maybe I think too negatively about my life LOL.
My own dreams seem out of reach and like they're fading. Nothing is really 'important' anymore. I mean, things are of course, but life feels so weird.
I feel like I have something I've always wanted, but even when I get that it isn't enough. Why are humans so needy? There isn't anything that proves to be enough ><
I dunno what to do. That sums everything up. I just don't know where I'm going, what I want, what i have...etc.
uhhhhhh and then I know there is something i'm doing thats wrong, but it feels almost peaceful.
i don't know who to choose. well i kinda do...but is it in my heart to tell others to totally fuck off? i can't keep making these mistakes if i'm trying to make things work.
blah these blogs are so random.
x] Elias looks better in my Metro Station shirt than I do. We switched shirts today lol.
*sigh*
I'm not sure how this weekend will go. Brittnie is having a birthday party, Elias wants to see me I think, Brittany wants to do something, both Justins probably do...>< the list goes on. I need to manage my time with friends and school and everything else better!
Aw~ speaking of friends, Felipe no longer works with me ;_;
It sucks, cause he's awesome.
This LJ sure doesn't deal with anything very thoughtful anymore, if it ever did...I guess maybe I should make use of it and start writing to myself in diaries XD;
I feel like there was something I wanted to bring up here...
....
....
I don't recall. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 6th, 2008|12:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  grateful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Scarlet ~ Ayashi no Ceres theme | ] |
Ahhh! Haven't been able to sit down at a computer much recently.
With the new school year and all things have been kind of hectic. I'm not so sure I want to know my grades. I forgot we were supposed to have read the Frederick Douglass book over the summer ><
I like this year for the most part! ;]
I get to see Elias and Brittany at school so that's really nice.
Justin and I actually got closer too, that's the result of us sharing P.E., Japanese, and Physics lol He's awesome~ and we're so alike.
But all of these people are showing interest in me and it's kind of scaring me!!! There are so many distractions when you have yourself set on something/someone. It's just hard because I think I'm hurting certain people...
I still feel as lonely as I did before at times...But I see there really are people there for me
Elias and I have been having some hard times, but I'm glad we're pulling thru!
Trying is all that matters.
=)
He really is the highlight of my life.
I am starting to get new penpals and net friends, but I don't spend time online so it gets difficult to reply at times.
Oh!!! Japanese seems more...I don't know the word. There is change in like all of my classes this year, it's kind of nice.
Overall I enjoy OHS.
Anyways~ I have nothing more to write really. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2008|04:59 pm] |
I'm not going to close this down. I'd be like losing part of me. lol
But I don't plan on posting like I used to.
Update:
Not much new.
Drama at work. Which is annoying.
Still with Elias ^^
Best friends are still Kali and Haley.
I talk to Brittany as well.
I'm excited because I missed a few people over the summer and I can probably eat lunch with them this year.
I miss Sean, but he's like...Changed or whatever. And I don't plan on getting in that mess again. lol But it's not my fault. I care, but when someone else doesn't it is time to give up...at least sometimes.
Oh ! OH!!!!
Time for penpals again. I haven't spent much time online anymore. But I am going to try and gain more penpals and net friends. I guess that's just boredom. But oh well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2008|04:05 am] |
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Just now i realized once again how much i love classical music. Just lying here and listening to chopin. Heh. I need your presence. . .heh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2008|06:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Boo Bee Benz - To Me | ] |
I'm falling in love with Boo Bee Benz' version of To Me. I love the way Ai Otsuka does it in Tokyo Friends too. Maybe its just a powerful song, at least to me~ it is. lol.
The other day I had to get a new phone. My other one basically crashed. =/
But I fancy this new one, its a kyocera.
There are so many thoughts going on in my head, so I guess thats why my LJ is so random at times.
I still haven't made up my mind about closing this down or not...
I'll feel like I'm losing a part of myself if I do. I think I like remembering everything and holding on to EVERYTHING. It's sad...
Lately, I haven't really interacted with many people. I can't say I hate that.
I'm really nervous about cosmeotogoly...I want to say I made it, but I'm not so sure...
That just means another 2 years of Orchestra, I guess.
I'll focus on Japanese and my grades in core classes more this year.
For the longest time I've had it in my mind that I wanted to do something in the psychology field. But I'm really thinking about what there is to do in life and what I want to do. Anthropology seems interesting...But translating would be nice. Just have to tackle a few languages. lol.
I want to travel and see several different countries.
I'm not even sure that I want to study abroad anymore. I definately want to visit Japan, but I don't want to end up in a place that isn't anything like what I expected.
Last night I was in a Myspace IM chatroom and good God...I wonder how many idiots there actually are in the world. And pervs. I'm tired of people just wanting to talk when they are horny.
On another note... I think I'm really a mean person. Like, only when I get to know someone. I understand its normal to criticize people at times. But my mind is like on some new level...
I can't even begin to explain. Do I ever make sense? ><
Remember when I was reading the Shannara books? Well, it's time I start reading again...Doing nothing is exhausting. I feel like I have no talents now. If that even makes sense.
Any book reccomendations? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|03:04 am] |
shitttttt~
I love music. ^^
andddddddddddddddddddddddddd
I wanna go to Austin this summer.
We were on a roll until now.
DX
I miss it so much. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|02:26 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Black Kids - I'm not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you | ] |
So, I just watched The Safety of Objects ;.;
It was pretty sad. But damn rad. lol
Made me think a lot...What doesn't?
Life is really pretty scary.
And I'm really seeing how it just passes by... I'm nervous.
Like, I feel that I'm supposed to make something out of myself, but I'm kinda held back...For personal reasons (People)...I try not to be ALL of the time..But its hard you know?
I still sit here and wonder if its even possible to accomplish the dreams I want now.
That really bothers me because I want to so badly.
I know things turn out differently than we usually expect, but it is possible to keep friends around, right? Isn't it possible to continually know and love someone and have them in your life?
And is it possible to always like something that you've liked for so long?
That brings my own dad to mind - He collects toys and stuff - so much so, that it reminds me slightly of peter pan syndrome. He's liked that stuff since he was wayyy young. And that brings something else to mind, like, why is it that we always place a label on things...I said it reminded me of peter pan syndrome...People are supposedly all different and have things that make us unique...Why is it that we can place a name/label/disease/illness/anything on everything...
><
I know I want to get a career in the psychology field but still...
And about that, I must say I give myself props - It's something I've decided on for the longest time now.
I don't think I'm honestly that indecisive anymore. Everyone has to figure things out. And there are always minor changes down the line, right?
I think I was just scared.
I replay thoughts like this a lot.
What the hell is life?
What am I making out of it?
What is there to talk about?
I'm not even trying to be negative...
I'm just thinking.
I mean, I love living. I love experiencing. I love loving. I love lots of things...
My mom said life should be being able to do what I love and enjoying things...
I think that's really true. There will always be bads, or worse times but why not try to enjoy life the way we want?
>< My stomach hurts right now.
Maybe I spend too much time thinking instead of doing. But I can't help things like that. I mean...It all makes me, well, me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2008|05:35 am] |
My computer is working again now.
It doesn't make much of a difference now, though.
I miss just having fun playing RuneScape. ><
Right here and now I'll point some things out about myself:
-I'm human
-I'm clingy
-and obsessive.
-paranoid.
-Veryyyyy indecisive. Always have been. I can't even decide what to do when someone asks.
-I can be as immature and dramatic as anyone else in this world.
-I'm way nervous right now, and constantly bite my nails.
But I've always known these things. And I think, deep down inside, most people know themselves, and know what they are like.
So really what good is it to shove things like this in a persons face and call it 'the truth'?
When they very well know what 'this truth' is.
Changing and learning comes from the person themself.
Its best not to interfere.
If someone asked, "Are you obsessive?" I'd have every damn right to say no.
If my 'best friend' asks something about people messing with me and why I thought about it so much, etc, etc... I'd have every damn right to lie about it or say anything. it may not mean anything!
I can stay making the same mistakes over and over again, or at least pretending to. Its annoying when people try shoving something i already know in my own face.
Look at me. Obsessing now.
Makes it worse.
Come on, just stop.
You aren't accomplishing anything, dearest friend.
Remind people of their own mistakes doesn't do anything for you.
You can get over whatever the fuck you want.
Props for you!!!!!
President!!!
It seems to be everything you're aiming for, nee?~
Jealousy gets you nowhere. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 12th, 2008|01:16 am] |
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Im so happy i met elias. :D Hehe~ i feel myself opening up. i have a cosmetology interview tomorrow and i also get paid. its exciting. and btw to the hackers, id appreciate if you gave admin control back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|11:52 pm] |
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I love how my comp fucks up entirely after my last post on here. heh thanks guys. whee! i love ayashi no ceres. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2008|05:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
I'm really glad it's summer~
Life outside of the internet is going great.
^^ Well most of it.
But I'm just letting everyone know, until I've made the final decision to turn that person into the police or not, I won't be posting here often.
Or be on this computer often at all, at least not for anything too personal.
Not that anyone reads anymore anyways. lol |
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| Heh |
[May. 27th, 2008|12:03 am] |
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Its times like these that make me cry. today was really good. but in the end i thought about something that finally brought me to tears. mission accomplished i assume. heh. whoo~ sean and i found utada cds at best buy in midland. today was so fun. ^^ and im talking to elias and jordan right now. its nice. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2008|04:25 am] |
I was going to go on this total deleting spree on myspace and livejournal, but I can't really force myself to do so.
There are some people who no matter what, I like knowing they are there. I guess I just don't let go easily, even if I'm really suspicious of a few things.
I wonder why that person tried hiding themselves?
It's so weird. Everything was almost deleted. o.O
There's a reason, but I guess I'll never know.
This is MY LJ so really it doesn't matter too much what I type on here.
If anyone caused the problems, it was them.
Damn I don't care anymore.
Just gotta get that out. And I'm done.
If hiding and being forgotten and fake is all you ever wanted then believe me, it will happen. ^^
Work is as boring and interesting as ever. Isn't that weird? Both boring and interesting.
This weekend has actually been really nice so far.
Brittany has been over here since Thursday night, and I'm glad. ;)
On Friday we went to the mall with Elias (=D) and just basically hung out and shopped.
Having a job keeps my mind off of certain things, so I take it as a good thing to have one.
It IS weird not having as much time on my hands to do whatever, but maybe it'll will teach me things?
Hehe, Jorge took me home tonight from work. He's really cool too. And can really help me find new bands and stuff. We have a few things in common actually.
I'm trying to open up to people but it's hard.
Like I said though, I'm trying.
lol He mentioned something I thought was kind of funny.
I asked how life was and he said something about not knowing and how girls were weird. then he went on to say that they can never make up their minds or decide on anything. And for a second there, it reminded me of myself. But not really. I mean I have set dreams and stuff. And I try to be pretty faithful. I dunno. A lot revolves around the word fickle. I hate that word almost.
Anyways Elias is really nice...It's new to me kinda. The way he is, but its like a good type of new. I want to be patient and see how things turn out in this relationship.
I also met a friend for texting and stuff. Her name is Xin Xin. She's way awesome.
I'd marry her if I could. =D
lol!
But it is nice to have someone to text and talk to whenever.
^_____^
On another note, I'm still my nerdy self and bought Noriko's Dinner Table, and two games: Chulip, Radiata Stories.
Its weird that I don't get to spend much time talking to Haley or to see her. Completely changed since we both work now.
It scares me. XD
But...I know it can't really be helped.
I'm sure we're still best friends and all...It just feels so different.
I'm trying to think of other things...
Hm, I just learned that my cousin's mom was in a motorcycle accident and died...So that's not very good. I feel really bad. It's not something I'd wish on anyone.
Everyone should give Quay some sympathy too, his grandmother died...I feel very bad for him too.
He said he was really close to her too. -.-
Well see ya later LJ~ |
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| You have been in front of me this whole time! o.O |
[May. 19th, 2008|06:15 pm] |
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Its a little scary when you finally admit to yourself something you never wanted to believe. i want to puke. im deleting several people from my myspace, at least a certain 4 whom i happen to know in real life. considered that it was them once. but on another note, life is entertaining. work is nice. haley, elias, and brittany are great! lots of people have been wanting to hang out lately. ^^ im trying to enjoy life. im so excited for the summer. whoo! moving on from that mess will feel great! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2008|12:19 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | confused | ] |
Well so, yeah...
Elias invited me to go bowling with them. So I, uh, showed up but I was too nervous to actually bowl...I dunno what was with me.
We spent most of the time talking, walking around, and stuff.
I really like him.
＾＿＾
But who don't I like? Just kidding.
Tons of people.
。。。
Then the INNER CIRCLE crew just happened to be there. Whatever, man they're dumb. -_-' (really made me mad today)
Some of the stuff they said...Just わあ！！！！
かっこくなかった！
They make themselves totally obvious though.
Kinda funny。
But I wasn't in the mood.
＝）
ナイス Right?
コーラをのみたいですねえ。。。
おみずをのみます！！！
Okay, so I'm messing with the hiragana and katakana just because well....not many of you can read it. lol. I'm bored. If you really wanna know just ask. I'm not cool enough for kanji yet.
XP
あたまがいたいよ。。。
アリソンはざんねんですねえ！
＞＜ Effin' bored lol.
じぶんをつよくめせたり。
OMFG LOFL |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2008|02:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
Well instead of just going to orientation like I had planned, they had me stay from 5-10:30 PM. >< Since Mother's Day was the day before it was really busy. But it was fun! XD
I worked Sunday too. I'm glad I actually took initiative to do something finally.
There were like 4 other people who are new courtesy clerks too, but Felipe and I are the ones doing the most so far. o_O;
Felipe's nice. 8D I'm glad I don't have to feel so lame at work, being new at all.
LOL that reminds me.
Ben was watching me while working at customer service and noticed I obviously had nothing to do, so he tried telling me that we rearrange the bag holders when there isn't anything to do.
Me, being an idiot, did so. XD He sure had his fun.
So yeah, I like the people I've met so far. I'm still quiet but people are nice enough.
O_o I get checked out a lot. Its odd...I can't tell if its good or bad.
Due to work, I didn't get to do anything this weekend.
Elias invited Haley and I to go bowling >> But my parents said it was too late. That was on Saturday. ;_; I still stayed up late anyway.
It turns out Haley actually got to meet my boyfriend's parents before I did. lol Which is fine with me.
Whoo! I get to meet another person this summer/year. Lang! XD
I hope you people actually stay true to your word, because I'm really excited.
What to type now... Nothing, its almost time for this class to be over anyways.
lol
Jane~ |
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