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CandyLovePop

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Hello Again, Internet! [Mar. 5th, 2016|01:40 am]
CandyLovePop
[Current Location |Osaka!]
[Current Mood |WORK IN THE MORNING OH NOOOOO]
[Current Music |Heater]

I haven't posted a blog on LJ in so many years. I can't believe I am already 24 years old and still living in Japan. Sometimes I re-read some of the things both Haley and I wrote about, and I can't help but feel nostalgic and quite embarrassed at the same time.

An update on me: I have two beautiful little babies and met my husband Atsushi back in 2013. Time seems to have flown since then.

I think after being "catfished" back while I was still in high school it kind of pushed me to take some distance from the internet. That, and I feel I interacted with people face to face much more when I was a student back in Tokyo. If those people are still out there and happen to read this: who were you really? I hope you've gained enough decency to not mess with people like that anymore. And I'm still so confused as to whether or not it was a group of people I was supposed to be friends with... When I think about those things, I'm really afraid of going back to Texas. Japan has a whole different set of problems, but it's really hard to decide which country will be best for our children.
Atsushi can't speak English, so I'm trying to push him to learn. But I think he's the only one who can make himself try. My family seems to think he'll do better with a hands on approach, such as going back to Texas and him picking it up as we go about our daily lives.

Who knows.
I'd like to close this account, but I'm not sure if I should or not. lol
It's a part of my past, embarrassingly enough.
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Well.... [Jan. 24th, 2011|05:35 am]
CandyLovePop
[Current Mood |calmcalm]

In exactly 2 months and 4 days I will be in Japan...
I keep biting the skin on my fingers, rather than my almost non-existant nails.
I don't have much to say on this LiveJournal anymore, or much in real life either.
Recently, I've become so busy...
It seems I'm always working, working, working...
I just finished watching The Social Network... It was staring me down at work all day, so I had to buy it. XD

Facebook still feels kind of new to me. Like, I think I had an obsession with myspace, haha.
Although I hardly log on to it anymore.

I wish people were not so judgmental. I am proud of the person I was raised to be, because I can honestly say I'm a pretty good person. Only recently I've turned a little genocidal. **JK**
I can't get too personal on here... Well, I could, but I'm not into internet drama anymore.
So, that's the gist of what's going on with me.

I'm happy that my dream is finally coming true. Now, what the future holds should be interesting.
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(no subject) [Nov. 16th, 2010|01:42 am]
CandyLovePop
I dug way too deep into my past recently.

I used to talk to a certain group of people online like all the time.
And I made some stupid mistakes...
Then I got screwed over in 2007.
I finally understand you guys.
Finally.

anyway... if any one of you still read this... will you come back and say hi?
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Just to Say [Jul. 28th, 2010|04:06 am]
CandyLovePop
The journey from Junior High to High School was crazy.
For quite a while I guess I really wanted things to stay the same. Like, I wanted to be older, but have the same friends and everything.
Up until sometime this year (2010) I kept allowing people to run all over me and use me. Particularly the people I considered 'friends' as well as a few others...
Even now, I'm having a hard time letting go of friendships that are obviously failing. The relationships and friendships that I considered to have failed already seem to haunt me... What is it with the people from my past sometimes needing me and other times shooing me away? I've had it... I managed to hold on to my true self, but it was a difficult process.

I was known as many things... weeaboo, asian lover, wapanese, immature, indecisive, fickle, too mature, paranoid, quiet, shy, crazy, short, and of course emotional... Sometimes people were/are joking with me. But I've had several people attack me in regards to my fascination with Japan, my interests, my awkwardness, and more or less my dating life. Many of my friends would criticize me or complain when I talked about my interest/obsession or anything in general. I've put up with all of their countless talks about drama, drinking, drugs, sex, family problems, molestation, anything and everything. I have opened my heart to people and been horribly mistreated. True, we all have our good and bad... But I never told YOU to shut up or that whatever you complain about is pointless... even though half the time it is. You = those people I'm referring to. I have taken lies for a supposed 'best friend' just so that she is not hated by what was once my other 'best friend'.

I've been through lots of shit, that's life for ya. Still, I try my best to be a good friend and a great person when I can be.
I fought battles with so many groups at school thanks to a certain ex-boyfriend and some of you do not even know the extent of what I went through... Yet I stood strong on my own. (excluding that one girl i re-connected with. thanks for nothing btw :D I hope using me was great?)

On to my LOVE for Japan. You know, guys, your criticism sure is getting old.
I CANNOT BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW MANY PEOPLE HATE ME FOR THIS.
What is the big deal?
Liking a country, culture, people, etc... is nothing compared to having a drug addiction, constant shit talking, asking random people to have sex, drinking or anything like that. I have dreams, hopes, and goals. Are you jealous or something? Maybe you should be... I mean several of you are content with doing nothing and staying in this hell hole.
And fuck you, I can like whatever race I want to. Its no different than a white boy acting black and particularly liking hispanic women or whatever. I do not ONLY date asian men, which some of you seem to believe I will jump at any asian offered to me. That's not true.
Oh, I may have 'acted' Japanese by liking their fashion, food, toys, music, etc. if that's what you think. But what makes everyone unique is what me like, dislike, think, say and do.
So I've never understood why there are so many people who ABSOLUTELY hate us fans of Japan.

I had a lot of fun when my friends weren't so bitchy and before I was detested due to my interests. A lot of my innocence was ruined both through the internet and in Odessa, simply because some people had a love-hate thing for me. I've become such a bitter person. Obviously. Or I wouldn't be writing this.
I stopped trying to contact several people, because I'm not interested in being friends with people who have continually done me wrong. And I do hope that one day some of you will remember I did try my best to always be there for you.

I still miss the past in some ways.. But I'm happy now, for the most part.

Yes, I was a very very fickle little girl. But I was also ranging from the ages 14-16.
Until my 17th birthday I had no idea what I was doing or wanted. I'm 18 now and I have a clearer view now, but I think old habits do die hard... It's possible though. I will probably always fight with my indecisive-side, but maybe it won't be as bad.
I am engaged now and I believe he is a really good match for me. I love him a lot. As much as I can after how much I had to battle my insecurities and paranoia.
I've matured and accept myself quite a bit more now though. And yes, like anyone else at that age... I had tons of insecurities. I'm still young, it's not like I know everything.

I still work at the same place and have been for a little over 2 years now. The pay is pretty good, and in some ways I kind of think that the job helped me mature too... But a lot of bad has come out of it too. I also realize that racism is pretty bad here. Particularly if you are the minority in Odessa. Having an odd personality and not being social with everyone you work with takes from the work experience. I feel like I'm getting nowhere with this job anymore. I do my job, hell, I goof-off less than most of the people there but favoritism doesn't seem to care. I can be the most serious about things, but I get picked on the most and anything I do wrong is ten times worse than if another employee did it. -_-'


Anyways I will be starting my first semester of college here in August. I have a car and can drive now! :D But... I'm going to Japan not long after this semester. And will eventually be attending school there. It's something I need to do. Before I end up getting stuck here.. And really its my way of escaping many of you and the drama.
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(no subject) [Jul. 4th, 2010|09:20 pm]
CandyLovePop
[Current Mood |happyhappy]

Whoo! Miyavi's skills did not disappoint me. After 5 years of adoring the guy, it was definitely worth going to Dallas to see him. Ahhh~ I kind of love Dallas... But maybe I'm just tired of Odessa. Probably.
We had quite an adventure, and met a few friends.
Sadly, Miyavi did not feel the need to talk to any of the fans who stood outside the tour bus for hours. We stayed from the time the concert ended until 2-3 AM then went to get sushi, and headed back to the the tour bus around 5 AM. It was Haley, Musee, and myself! More than anything we had nothing to do, but yes, we wanted to see Meevers. Eventually the driver made his way to the bus... XD the drummer looked scared when he saw us lol but he was nice. Everything was just really fun.

I actually think I have more of an idea on what I would like to do with my life.
I won't go in to details here :)
But, it is reassuring for myself to be serious about careers I might be interested in.
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Hey Guys [Jun. 28th, 2010|06:28 am]
CandyLovePop
joomla analytics

I miss using this blog. ;_;
Sooooo I've had a great time playing Laser Tag with everyone!
lol that's our new thing.

Miyavi is going to be great. My job really sucks though.
I'm tired of the people who think they are so great simply because they have a job at a grocery store. -_-' Go fucking make something out of yourself.

I'll try to start writing more.
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(no subject) [Jun. 9th, 2010|12:10 am]
CandyLovePop
I really wish that sometimes I could be the type of person who always lies.
I've had a hard time lying to anyone... I always feel guilty, so I end up telling the truth either way. It seems rare to find a person with honesty and compassion... Or either.

Well, I got back from Dallas today!
A-kon was pretty fun!!! But, I'd still say 2007 was a really great year all around... more or less.
We bought lots of things, flew for the first time, and enjoyed everyone's company. Ahh~ Haley and I were able to meet Ibi, a designer for Sixh which under h.naoto sorta.

I hate coming back to Odessa. it feels... boring and sad.
But on to good news! Miyavi will be in Dallas on July 3. I'm going to try my best to attend that too :D
That would make my summer complete, haha.

I'm not excited for much anymore... So going to see Miyavi perform is something to look forward to.

Hope everyone is doing well!
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ahhhh~~~ [May. 25th, 2010|05:37 pm]
CandyLovePop
Guess what?!
I graduate Saturday!!!!!

It's been such a long journey to this point. XD
I almost, almost, almost lost my Japanese 3 credit because of one too many absences. LOL
Luckily I'm a kiss ass. And have teachers nice enough to sign for hours!!

It's a little scary. This year flew by so fast, but it took a long time for it to sink in that I won't be a high schooler anymore. From here on, it's up to me to choose what I want to do with my life. Of course, I have similar plans to the ones I've always had.

I decided I won't be going to Japan this summer, I'm going to save up more money and may just study abroad after going to Hawaii.
Haley, my brother, and I will be going to A-kon this year!
I hope this time is as fun as when I went in '07.
Quite a few of my friends will be there too, so I think it should be pretty enjoyable.

It's really odd when I read over my old blog entries... Things have changed so much... And sometimes that nostalgia is so sad ;_;

Anyways, I have to say Nadine and Nachum have helped me get through a lot this year. I don't know what I would do without you guys.
(<3333s to you my love)

I have a new car :D
But I don't have my license. I need to go test sometime this week. I really wish I had taken driver's ed.
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hrm [Dec. 30th, 2009|01:58 am]
CandyLovePop
[Current Mood |coldcold]
[Current Music |Itoshii Hito - Miyavi :D]

I haven't posted in months...
Life has changed drastically as expected.
Some things are so personal I can't say on here.. x[

Elias and I ended sometime during the end of May.
Couldn't make it past a year...
Things got dramatic and I messed up things when I got another chance last month.
Let's just say... I hurt the person I cared for most so much...
I never intended to be that type of person.

I'm learning lessons though. ^^
Getting with a guy right after a year relationship with another was another mistake I made...
And which added to the hurt. But the other boy taught me some things as well.
Whoever you were who tried shoving my faults in my face back in '07-'08, thanks. I see it now.

I'm about to be on my last semester of high school!!! Isn't it crazy? I'm ready..

Christmas was nice :D
I can say I miss last year a lot, as if it isn't obvious as to why.
buttt
I'm still livin' <3

I don't know what I plan to do this summer...
Japan, A-kon, plans for college...
eh...
im scared.
and excited!

lol
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(no subject) [May. 16th, 2009|02:06 am]
CandyLovePop
[Current Mood |mischievousmischievous]
[Current Music |Sakura Sake - Arashi]

I'm a liar! O:
I meant to edit that entry a while back, but never got around to it!
Life has changed so much since 2007. I hardly get online anymore. A group of people ruined that for me back then. The funny thing is you could tell those certain people out there still think they're amazing...When looking back all they were was bored and lazy bullies who are still striving to prove themselves as something...
But that's the past, right?
2008 ended that and flew by like a missile!

Here we are, 2009! I've been with Elias for a year now <3 really enjoying that. He's helped me really see myself and improve. And most importantly - accept myself even more. :P
I've lost friends and gained a few, but it's all been worth it.
This summer Haley, Ruben, Elias, and I are hoping to take dance classes. I'm excited! Other than working and school it's hard to do anything else. Every other day I'll watch anime, read, hang out, or something...But I feel exhausted!

My trip for the summer of 2010 is closer. Haley and I plan on going to Japan still, we are hoping to add Brazil and Taiwan as well. That all depends on money, I suppose. :) If anyone wants to join the fun, please tell me! The more the merrier~

Next school year I'll be taking some nutritional and food science class and the next semester hotel management. I also signed up for Chinese 1, Japanese 3, core classes, and Orchestra again <3
I've decided I want to work as a psychologist, linguist, or managing a hotel....Elsewhere.
So far those are my options job-goal wise.

There's my update on life.
Some things have changed but I'm still the fruity Alli I've always been!!
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